Ios development on windows(?)

I hate iphone, i hate it with all my heart and soul but i need to put out a simple app that just opens a browser window.
So a few questions.
1)Development on windows.I have seen many solutions (mono, fire-something, flash, emulate a mac on vmware). What is the best solution and preferably not Apple C language.I could tolerate java if i must.
2)Publishing.Can i have the app free of charge outside itunes or only cracked iphones can upload it?Will they(itunes) accept a simple app that just opens a web browser and navigate to a page or reject it?
Thanks.